We live in a large double story home which has been unequally divided into 4 units. The front, bottom unit is rented to an older couple, their daughter, and their grandson. The unit above them is rented to a couple who seem to like our company to hang out and bbq with, in the rear patio of our shared house. The rear, bottom unit is rented to a woman in her mid-twenties, who is pretty chill and just started nursing school. I like her, she's pretty cool to talk to. Then there's us.. the rear, top unit. A family of three with a dog.
When we got here, I cleaned the empty, dirty, abandoned, back patio. There was a table that had been used as a saw horse, I guess, along with scrap 2x4s, plywood, and even some granite countertop pieces. So, I moved the table from the scrap wood area to a sunny place. I put a granite slab on it, and placed my plants up there. I placed my plants around the area and was excited to start a new garden, having had to rip out the one at our previous home. So, my husband took me to a Home Depot here. I picked up a few plants, and I was hopeful.. until feral cats started throwing them around. It happened for a few months, so I recently gave up. I've been keeping succulents inside, and my larger plants (which are doing well) are still outside.
I miss gardening. It was such a stress-relieving hobby! I have kept up with crocheting and knitting. I filled my first order in two days, and waited for my husband to take me to send it off. I was so happy to be sending something, I decided to send packages to my sister and my best friend also. I have been struggling with going out on my own, so I wait for my husband to take me after work. I have gone out by myself a few times in the beginning, but I felt incredibly vulnerable to be out, alone with my son. It's so uncomfortable. I have literally turned myself into a hermit. My son and I are home until my husband gets out of work. We wait for him to take us places. My anxiety is through the roof! I know how to get to several places, but I'm afraid to drive. I feel that other drivers may become impatient with my slow pace and make a ruckus. Having been bullied, I feel that if one person has an issue with me, everyone else will join. I want to be back where I know my surroundings, where I know if I'm in trouble, I can call on someone and they will be 10 minutes away. The only people I have befriended, so far, are the neighbors.. only slightly.
My son will begin school this year, and I am hopeful to find any work.. Part-time. I'm so afraid of putting him in after-school daycare, and we end up on the news that the daycare cams caught him being beat up or something.. I can't even imagine what I'd do. I would rather be able to drop him off in the morning, AND pick him up after school. Anyway, I better get going. It was nice to be able to let my thoughts out.
-Esther Marie
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